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2014 in review

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 210 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.


Two Thousand and Fifteen

So here we are, another year down the road.  I figured that I would make a list of my “Must Do’s” for 2015; a simple list of things that I, and maybe you, should remember to do this year to make it more kick ass than last year (hopefully).  So here it goes:

  1. Fuck All The Bullshit! – Remember that, in all reality, no one else or their opinions matter except for yours and your loved ones, so don’t let anyone ruin your day.
  2. Separate Work and Life – Work is the place where we get paid to pretend to be someone else and home is where no one will pay us to be ourselves, leave it that way.
  3. Eat, Eat, Eat! – Food is important in all situations so eat well always.
  4. Love Like a Saint, Fuck Like a Porn Star – Intimacy is important so cuddle and hug and hold hands and fuck like bunnies.
  5. No Make-up – I’ve always hated make-up for the simple fact that it’s fake, so be yourself and go a few days without it, it might just change your entire perspective.
  6. You’re Not Perfect – But then again, no one is and that rocks so embrace it.
  7. Be Cheap – Nothing feels better than having the will power to not buy something that you don’t need, save it for a rainy day.
  8. Say Bad Words – Sometimes a shitty day can be turned around just by yelling ‘fuck’ as loud as possible.
  9. Fuck Haters – I hate the word ‘hater’ but here it works.  Don’t keep shitty people around if there’s no need for them.
  10. Express Yourself – If you’re mad, let everyone and anyone know; that whole ‘keep it to yourself’ crap is why housewives drink and middle-aged men get brain tumors.
  11. If It Can’t be Done Naked, It Shouldn’t Be Done – We came into this world naked and nudity is awesome; ’nuff said.
  12. Get Off Facebook – If you’ve never had coffee with someone face to face then they aren’t your friend, get over it.
  13. Plan, Plan, Plan – The only bad plan is no plan at all.
  14. Speak Your Mind – Say what you mean and mean what you say even if it hurts another’s feelings, that’s what makes us human.
  15. Educate Yourself – If you’re not learning in all aspects of life, you’ve become useless.  and finally
  16. Make Yourself Heard – If you think no one is listening, scream it louder.  We all matter to someone even if we don’t realize it and eventually someone will listen.

So here is my list of “Must Do’s” for 2015.  I think that if I follow these simple rules (although not all are really rules, more like suggestions) then my life will be even better than it already is and maybe some of these rules can work for you too.

Thanks to all my followers and everyone who reads my blog.  I appreciate all the support and love and can’t wait to begin 2015 with all of you.

And in case anyone is curious, my New Year’s Resolution for 2015 is … Drink more RedBull, Shoot more Guns, and Kill more Zombies!

Happy New Year!

Pershing Boulevard


Pershing Blvd.

Pershing Blvd.

The most amazing picture I was able to get this summer.  If only every day were this beautiful.  And all from an iPhone 4s camera.  At least Apple is good for something.


I thought a moment about the next words to come from my mouth.  I didn’t know how to respond.  What do you say?  Something so relentless, so rude.  How do you move from that?  Where do you go?  I just sat there, mouth closed and eyes open.  What could I say?

I didn’t move.  I didn’t speak.  I didn’t do anything.  I just sat there, motionless.  The words just slipped from her lips like honey dripping from a bee.  She was emotionless as if she had done this a million times.  A sociopath with no notions of empathy for the words she had just assaulted me with.

What did I do to deserve this?  What had I done to make this nightmare a horrible reality?  What did I do?


Need Feedback!!!!

I have been working on a novel for about a year now and have come to a point in which I think I am ready to begin the publishing process.  Any feedback would be incredibly helpful before I get too far into anything.  I have included the first few pages below and I can’t wait to read your responses.  Thanks and enjoy!


Who is this person, Alice thought as she watched the mirror image stare blankly back at her. This is you, dumbass! Her eyes went blank again as she visually interrogated her own reflection. Standing naked in her bathroom she made a mental note of all the imperfections she could see. You’re disgusting! A 12 year old has bigger tits than you do! And look at that belly. Are you pregnant or just a fat cow? Her fingers slowly lifting and pinching and poking all the parts of her body she despised.

“Alice! Get your ass down here! You’re going to be late for school!” Could she be any more of a fucking cunt? she thought as she rolled her eyes at the person in the mirror.

She quickly got dressed, throwing on a hoodie to combat the chill of the October morning. She took one last look in the mirror as she grabbed her bag and headed down stairs.

“What the hell took you so long? Come on the bus is waiting!” her mother growled as she hurried around the kitchen trying to find whatever bits of mind she had lost this morning. Alice said nothing continuing out the door. She saw the lights of the school bus down the block. She knew it was waiting for her, but fuck that! Why can’t you just skip? I mean it’s not like you’re a fucking genius! Let’s be realistic here, you’re not going anywhere. Let’s go play. Alice closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She looked once more at the school bus, then down the alley beside her driveway then back to the front door. Her mother was nowhere to be seen. One last look towards the bus and she headed down the alley.

Good girl, fuck that place. No one there even likes you. It’s not like you’re missing anything there. Alice trudged on through the gravel alleyway not bothering to look anywhere but straight. She knew her mother would be called as soon as the school realized that she wasn’t there. Which could take hours. It’s not like you’re noticeable anyway, Alice. Maybe they won’t even know you’re gone.

She felt her knees start to wobble and she headed to the nearest fence and dropped to the ground. She rested her hand on the fence and felt the coarse grain of the wood. She hung her head low and closed her eyes. She inhaled deep and tried to clear her head. What the fuck are you doing? Just like always you’re being a bitch. Get up! “Shut Up!” she yelled seemingly at no one. What’s the matter Alice? Can’t handle a bit of insight into your psyche? Get up you little bitch! “I can’t do this anymore,” she whispered. She got back to her feet and looked deep up into the pale sky. Her hand still on the fence she gazed at it longingly. A few moments passed and she finally looked straight ahead. She wandered slowly on down the alley, shoulders slumped as her bag hung limp against her.

She reached the end of the alley to the adjacent street. Cautiously she looked both ways before protruding out for the fence line of the alley. Along the street she saw a few houses, mostly older ones that had been converted into apartments. The air was starting to chill more and she hugged her hoodie close to her. Where now? Again she looked left and right. To the right she saw the old houses littered with broken down vehicles and dogs on chains barking at no one, and to the left she saw them get smaller and smaller as they became the business district. You going to just stand here all day and wait for some knight in shining fucking armor or are you going to make a goddamn decision?

Slowly she turned left and began down the chipped and cracked sidewalk towards the businesses. She counted the houses as they became smaller and smaller and slowly more and more businesses intermingled with them until there were no more houses. A breeze began to pick up and she pulled her hoodie tighter around her small body. Few cars ran along the road and she knew that the few she saw held drivers that were staring at her, watching her. You’re 16 for fucks sake. What, you don’t think someone is going to pick you up? Eye you down and decide that you’d make a great sheep? “What does that even mean?” she whispered to herself. Don’t be stupid, Alice. Oh wait I forgot that babies come from storks and love is blind! Yes, blind to the word stop. Unless it’s preceded by the word don’t! Wake the fuck up!

      Alice continued slowly down the road. She had been down it only a few times. Her mother rarely let her go out, although her mother’s many male friends let her do as she pleased when her mother was nowhere to be found. Briefly she remembered walking down this street in search of something, but for the life of her Alice couldn’t remember what it was.

Suddenly her thoughts were interrupted by a passing car honking. She saw as it flew passed her the brake lights flash and the car halted. Get ready little lamb. Can you bleat like a sheep? She saw the white lights before they registered and the car quickly reversed. It stopped next to her, the timing of the brakes perfect so that she was the only image seen out of the driver side window.

It was a woman; her skin was white with a yellow tinge. Alice had seen her mother’s skin like this before, but she never knew why.

“Sweetie honey why you walkin’ out in this bitterness?” her voice was raspy and she sounded like she had something stuck in her throat. “Come on baby get it, momma give you a ride home.”

“N-n-no thanks, I have somewhere to be,” Alice said sheepishly. Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah!!!!!

“No baby come on get in, I get you somethin’ to eat an then I take you,” her eyes looked dried out, like she had been awake for awhile. Alice noticed that the back seat had a blanket draped over it with lumps protruding from it. The car itself was older, a rusted brown Capris with the old handles on it, the silver ones with the button right on the handle to open the door. Alice stood still for what seemed like minutes silent. Yeah just stare at her because that keeps people away.

“I have to go,” was all that Alice could muster up. She turned away and began walking. Suddenly she felt the snow begin to fall around her, first just a few flakes, then more and more until there was a white dusting on her black hoodie.

“Baby now it be snowin’, just get in,” the lady pleaded and Alice noticed that her front teeth were only half there, and what was left of them was a blue-ish color. Suddenly another car swerved around the car parked in the street and halted right in front of the Capris. A tall burley man got out and half walked half strutted over to the parked Capris.

He looked at the lady, then to me, and back to her. He was wearing sunglasses that covered most of the top part of his face. Do you want to run now or would you prefer the gang bang that is about to obliterate your asshole? Alice couldn’t see the man’s face, but he must have made one at the woman in the car because she began screaming obscenities at him as she floored the gas pedal and fishtailed down the snow sprinkled street. The man then turned to face Alice. He stared at her for a long minute, finally nodding his head and taking a few steps towards her.

Surf’s Up VoxBox



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I received these products complimentary of Influenster for testing purposes.