Category Archives: Love

A.W. – Closure

March 12th was the day you died.  You were so young and intelligent and artistic.  It has been so many years since you left my reality but I remember you as though I had stared at you for an eternity.  Your smile, you’re laugh, your bleach splattered work pants.  I remember all of the emotions I had for you, when I was around you.  I remember holding your hand though the haunted house on 17th and that old abandoned restaurant outside of town.  I remember you as though you never left.

I never told you how I felt and neither did you, but we both knew I believe.  I have to believe that, otherwise I would go crazy at the thought of knowing that I could never tell you.  I still know, so many years late, that I should have, could have done more and I didn’t.  I didn’t place the importance on the situation that I should have.  I betrayed you by not trying harder that night and it eats a tiny part of me everyday.  But I have to belive that you know that.  I have to believe that you know or I’ll go crazy.

I was so young.  We were both so lost in this crazy big world but we didn’t care, at least that’s what I thought until the next day, the day after I should have tried harder.  If I had then maybe you would be here and I wouldn’t be asking myself what if all of the time.  I didn’t know.  I didn’t know until the next day.  Until it was too late.  If I had…

Sometimes everything comes out all at once and it’s hard to push it back down.  I forgive you.  In fact I never blamed you at all.  I pushed everything down for as long as I could because I didn’t want to face it.  I wasn’t sure that I could.  No one understood.  We were all … ambushed and we didn’t know what to do.  I was so young and I didn’t know.  I know now and now it’s too late.  The next day it was too late and every day after it’s too late.  But I have to believe that you know.

I know now and I cherish that.  I hold dear the memories we had.  Sometimes I sit and think when no one is looking and relive those times in my mind.  I believe that you do that too.  I have to believe.  Sometimes I’ll drive passed something or hear a song and it all comes flooding back to my mind all those things from you and me.  The late night youtube videos and adventures.  The Friday the 13th escapades.  All those damn dishes.  The douchey cooks.  The knives in the prep kitchen.

I know that you know.  Sometimes my selfishness takes over and in my head I scream that you come back, just for a minute, just so I can see your face or hear your voice.  I damn you for leaving me here, leaving me with all these questions that I can’t ever ask you.  I scream at everything because I couldn’t save you.  I know that you know.  I have to, or I’d go crazy.

I miss you every day.  I don’t know if this earthly internet signal will ever reach you or if you even have the time you read this in your eternal sanctuary, but I have to believe that it will.  If I don’t…

A.W. – January 27th, 1985 to March 12th, 2007


Two Thousand and Fifteen

So here we are, another year down the road.  I figured that I would make a list of my “Must Do’s” for 2015; a simple list of things that I, and maybe you, should remember to do this year to make it more kick ass than last year (hopefully).  So here it goes:

  1. Fuck All The Bullshit! – Remember that, in all reality, no one else or their opinions matter except for yours and your loved ones, so don’t let anyone ruin your day.
  2. Separate Work and Life – Work is the place where we get paid to pretend to be someone else and home is where no one will pay us to be ourselves, leave it that way.
  3. Eat, Eat, Eat! – Food is important in all situations so eat well always.
  4. Love Like a Saint, Fuck Like a Porn Star – Intimacy is important so cuddle and hug and hold hands and fuck like bunnies.
  5. No Make-up – I’ve always hated make-up for the simple fact that it’s fake, so be yourself and go a few days without it, it might just change your entire perspective.
  6. You’re Not Perfect – But then again, no one is and that rocks so embrace it.
  7. Be Cheap – Nothing feels better than having the will power to not buy something that you don’t need, save it for a rainy day.
  8. Say Bad Words – Sometimes a shitty day can be turned around just by yelling ‘fuck’ as loud as possible.
  9. Fuck Haters – I hate the word ‘hater’ but here it works.  Don’t keep shitty people around if there’s no need for them.
  10. Express Yourself – If you’re mad, let everyone and anyone know; that whole ‘keep it to yourself’ crap is why housewives drink and middle-aged men get brain tumors.
  11. If It Can’t be Done Naked, It Shouldn’t Be Done – We came into this world naked and nudity is awesome; ’nuff said.
  12. Get Off Facebook – If you’ve never had coffee with someone face to face then they aren’t your friend, get over it.
  13. Plan, Plan, Plan – The only bad plan is no plan at all.
  14. Speak Your Mind – Say what you mean and mean what you say even if it hurts another’s feelings, that’s what makes us human.
  15. Educate Yourself – If you’re not learning in all aspects of life, you’ve become useless.  and finally
  16. Make Yourself Heard – If you think no one is listening, scream it louder.  We all matter to someone even if we don’t realize it and eventually someone will listen.

So here is my list of “Must Do’s” for 2015.  I think that if I follow these simple rules (although not all are really rules, more like suggestions) then my life will be even better than it already is and maybe some of these rules can work for you too.

Thanks to all my followers and everyone who reads my blog.  I appreciate all the support and love and can’t wait to begin 2015 with all of you.

And in case anyone is curious, my New Year’s Resolution for 2015 is … Drink more RedBull, Shoot more Guns, and Kill more Zombies!

Happy New Year!

God’s Gift To The Road

Picture courtesy of

God’s Gift to the Road




The Bugatti Veyron Super Sport.  The world’s fastest production street legal vehicle.  267 amazing miles per hour.  7 speed transmisson, paddle shifters, matching interior stitching, and 1,200 PS engine power rating.  The tires alone are over $50,000 American and the engine must be limited in order to keep their tires from disintergrating.  $2.5 million American Standard Edition.  It’s truly the most beautiful thing in the entire world.  Pure orgasmic adrenaline in mehcanical form.  My heart belongs to Bugatti.  Always and forever.

May 15, 1991

On May 15th, I will be 23 years old.  I will have a useless Associates of Arts degree that I still have yet to use in an employment opportunity.  I will have worked at the same dry cleaning company for 2 years (with a small retreat as an Advertising Salesman because the grass was supposed to be greener on the other side but it was just the same dull brown I’d been walking through my whole life).  I will have been paying on the same bills I’ve had for 5 years (plus some).  I will still be the same person I always have been.

On May 15th, I will be 23 years old.  I will be the same as I was at 22, 21, 20 and since I was born.  I haven’t changed, other than my choice in outfits.  I have the same voice, the same opinions, the same thoughts.  I am what I have always been.  Nothing more than plain white trash in a two-horse town.

On May 15th, I will be 23 years old.  I will be exactly where I am, where I always have been, and where I have always wanted to be.  I have an amazing husband whom I love more than anything.  I have a rent check in my purse and a car loan gaining interest every day.  I have a mother who loves me regardless.  I have Red Bull in my fridge and smokes on the counter.  I have (a little) gas in my tank.  I have cracks beginning to bleed on my hands and never-ending pains in my back. 

On May 15th, I will have everything I have ever wanted, because I have never taken what I have never needed.

On May 15th, I will be 23 years old.  Happy Birthday to me.

Escaping Into the Clouds

Escaping Into the Clouds

I love to take pictures of the beautiful skies I whitness in Wyoming. There’s not much to see here in the 9 month winters and overly dry summers, but I can always escape into the skies, if only through a camera lense for a split second before the sun decends into the horizon, lost for another 9 hours of darkness. I can always escape into the clouds.

He’s All Mine

I married the love of my life on June 28th, 2013.  That doesn’t sound very long, but we’ve been together for about 5 years now.  He is my world, the light in my skies, and the diamond in my ring shining brighter than the brightest star.  My husband is my best friend and my soulmate. 

I’m not stupid.  My husband is kind, loving, and a real gentleman.  He’s attractive.  No, scratch that.  He’s a Greek God.  He’s chivalrous.  He opens the car door for me, pulls out my chair, and holds my purse when I try on clothes.  He’s boughten tampons and panty liners and girly products.  He holds my hair when I’m sick and rubs my back every night before kissing me goodnight.  I know he’s a catch.  He’s the man that every woman wants.  He’s not embarrassed to talk about my period or when I’m crampy.  He brings me chocolate and Red Bull. 

I see the way other girls stare, they way they whisper, and the way they smile his way.  I know they want him.  They giggle and wave, and they even flirt in front of me.  Go ahead, girls.  They give me dirty looks.  They stare with envious eyes at what I have. 

I never get upset, I smile back and laugh.  I joke with these girls, entertain the wild ideas they create in their minds that they might just steal him away with a hair flip and a pretty smile.  I tell them, “Go on girls, you can have him, but don’t try to give him back,” and I smile and laugh.  My husband smiles and pretends like giving these girls the time of day is something special.

Girls, I know you want what I have.  You see me with this amazing guy, this wonderful, one of a kind man who wants only me.  This man who makes my world spin.  So keep staring, girls.  Keep smiling and giggling, and keep glowing green with envy.  I know I’ve won the lottery with this man, and I’m not sharing.  Spend your energy trying to make him smile, it makes for good stories when we’re on the couch laughing about our days.  So keep trying, girls, but at the end of the day he’s all mine, and that will never change.  I know I’m lucky; I’m the luckiest girl in the world.  So eat your hearts out girls, just try not to choke.

Love and Sex

He grabbed her arm, tossed her on the bed, and looked despairingly at her.  He thought he was in control.  He knew what she wanted.  He felt it coursing through his body like electricity.  He knew what she craved, and yet he didn’t.  He began by holding her arms down out around her body, slowly climbing onto her.  His breath was heavy on her neck as he lowered down onto her, using his body weight to keep her motionless.  Her mind raced as he moved her arms above her head, readjusting himself to reach her hips.  As if taught an art, he unzipped her pants one handed quickly as if time was of the essence.  He raised his body and whipped her around to face the bed.  He knew she wanted this, knew she wanted him to assert his control.  He moved downward and ripped her pants down to her ankles taking her panties with them and lowered himself back on top of her, her hands still held motionless above her head.  

“You want this?” he whispered as he slowly removed himself bulging from his pants.  He gently pushed into the small of her back.  “You want this,” he said again.  “Tell me you want this,” the growl in his voice growing deeper.

“I want this,” she breathed.  Her heart racing and body pulsing.  His hand moved from his clear desire to between her legs.  

“Oh yeah, you want this.  You want this deep inside until it hurts,” he practically demanded.  His hand moved back up to her face that was now gently being pushed deeper into the bed.  He released her hands only to grasp her hair and tear her head up into the light above.  He slowly, forcefully rubbed his wet hand across her mouth until she instinctively opened her lips.

“Taste it.  See what I can make you do, taste what I do to you,” he whispered close to her ear.  She tasted the salty result of her need, caressed his finger with her tongue, flicking the tip until he ripped it back from her mouth.

“You don’t want this,” he said pushing himself again into the small of her back.  “No, you need this.  How bad do you need this?” he grinned.  

She knew her cue.  “I need this badly!  Please, don’t tease,” she begged.  

“Don’t tease?  What have you done to earn this?” he toyed. 

“Please!”, she begged again.  She knew the dance.  She loved it.  He thought he was in control.  Without a word he slammed into her and she cried out in a painful explosion of expansion.  He gripped her hair and slammed her face back down into the bed.  He pounded in, deeper and deeper until her cries became mixed with moans.  She felt the build of pressure in her pelvis.  She felt the tingles begin running from her toes up to her fingertips, and suddenly he slowed.

“Not yet,” he cooed.  He slowed even more until the rhythm mimicked a slow ocean tide, coming in and out, in and out.  Suddenly he pulled out, pulling her head up with him until she was on her knees.  He kissed her neck gently until desire took hold.  He bit down hard causing her body to shake in retaliation.  He pulled off his shirt while holding her in place by her hair.  Her eyes were beginning to water, but she didn’t know if it was from pain or pleasure.  

He swung his shirt around her neck, finally letting go of her hair.  The impulse caused her to fall forward, her face nestled back into the bed, her ass still up in the air.  He pulled tightly on the shirt, bringing her back up.

“Now shut up and take it,” he demanded as he pounded back into her.  She fell slightly back to her arms.  He pulled tightly on his shirt now holding her neck above the bed.  She moaned louder as she felt the blood rush from her face.  Her breathing intensified with every thrust into her.  The familiar tingle resumed in her toes and again the pressure was building.  With every breath the shirt got tighter, her head lighter, and the desire more intense in her body.  She felt her body begin to tremble and without warning she screamed out in complete ecstasy.   He pushed harder, deeper into her, speeding up until she could no longer hold herself up on her own.

“Come on bitch, come on, cum for me!  Stay up and cum for me!” he growled.  He gripped tighter on the shirt around her neck as she fought to stay up.  She felt his body tense behind her as he exploded.  His breath hastened as he slowed loosening his shirt.  She fell down onto the bed, an immense smile on her face as she came back down to earth from the pleasure she had just released.  He collapsed beside her, his chest beginning to slow in it’s movement.  She looked into his eyes as he came back to reality.  

He thought he was in control.  He thought he won the game, but in reality, she made the rules.  He may have the dominance, but she had the power.  She knew she ran the game, and that meant she had absolute power.  She was in control, he was just playing the game.