Something Blue

So it’s been awhile since I’ve felt the urge to write and I’ve noticed that recently I am beginning to feel like I’m 16 again.  I feel like I have no real choices of my own anymore.  Obviously I know that I have choices and I’m not sliding back into a depressed state as I have in the past.  Honestly I’m just numb to the feeling.  I feel like I’m stuck in my job, stuck in my mental state, and stuck in the realm of the universe.  I’ve been spending a lot of my time trying to figure out what I want to do with my life; where I want to be in five years and all that jazz.  I’ve gone through all the channels I can think of; the local community college that I got my initial degree at, the city and state employment agencies, even going as far as going old school, and yes, I’m talking about the newspaper.  I was, in no better terms, cock blocked at every turn.

Last week I thought I had had an epiphany.  After working all of my adolescent years in food service and customer service, I thought I had finally figured out my goal in life.  I decided that I wanted to open my own restaurant.  I’m not talking about some big fancy cuffs and tails joint, just a simple breakfast and lunch dive that served local products and great prices with that good ol’ boy feel that everyone was welcome at.  Simple, good food.  I sat down and truly thought about what I would need to do, what contacts I currently have and which ones I would need to make.  I thought about where I would put it and the type of people I would hire and how I would situate my menu.  I even thought about the financial aspect and who I would talk to about investing in it.  I had everything all down pat and gave myself a year to get it all on track.  The final step was to tell my husband of my ingenious plan.  So, of course, I did.  He was, to say the least, less than enthused, and nothing has been said since.

So here I am again, stuck.  I’m in the same position that I was in before.  Stuck and unsure of what or where or who I am in a big wide world filled with so many fish that it’s becoming claustrophobic.  Just another fish waiting for something to stick to.


About Blue

I'm the classiest motherfucker you'll ever meet. View all posts by Blue

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