Monthly Archives: February 2015

Something Blue

So it’s been awhile since I’ve felt the urge to write and I’ve noticed that recently I am beginning to feel like I’m 16 again.  I feel like I have no real choices of my own anymore.  Obviously I know that I have choices and I’m not sliding back into a depressed state as I have in the past.  Honestly I’m just numb to the feeling.  I feel like I’m stuck in my job, stuck in my mental state, and stuck in the realm of the universe.  I’ve been spending a lot of my time trying to figure out what I want to do with my life; where I want to be in five years and all that jazz.  I’ve gone through all the channels I can think of; the local community college that I got my initial degree at, the city and state employment agencies, even going as far as going old school, and yes, I’m talking about the newspaper.  I was, in no better terms, cock blocked at every turn.

Last week I thought I had had an epiphany.  After working all of my adolescent years in food service and customer service, I thought I had finally figured out my goal in life.  I decided that I wanted to open my own restaurant.  I’m not talking about some big fancy cuffs and tails joint, just a simple breakfast and lunch dive that served local products and great prices with that good ol’ boy feel that everyone was welcome at.  Simple, good food.  I sat down and truly thought about what I would need to do, what contacts I currently have and which ones I would need to make.  I thought about where I would put it and the type of people I would hire and how I would situate my menu.  I even thought about the financial aspect and who I would talk to about investing in it.  I had everything all down pat and gave myself a year to get it all on track.  The final step was to tell my husband of my ingenious plan.  So, of course, I did.  He was, to say the least, less than enthused, and nothing has been said since.

So here I am again, stuck.  I’m in the same position that I was in before.  Stuck and unsure of what or where or who I am in a big wide world filled with so many fish that it’s becoming claustrophobic.  Just another fish waiting for something to stick to.