Monthly Archives: September 2014


The other day I went out in search for a new pair of jeans.  Many of you are probably wondering why this is worth writing about.  Let me first make mention that this is not a personal attack on any one specific individual, but more of an outrage at our societal views in general.  So back to the jeans issue.  I have always had issues finding jeans that fit properly.  I’m 5’9″ and 109-ish lbs.  Let me stop you there.  I’m completely healthy and have no weight issues.  I don’t have esteem issues with my weight, I don’t throw up, and I eat more than any other person I know.  So please don’t start on that whole unhealthily skinny underweight bullshit.  Ok, back to the story.  I have a hard time finding pants that not only fit around the waist and thighs and also in length.  I hate the skinny jean fad and prefer a more flared style of jeans. I fight store employees to find size 24×35 or 0 Long.  I had found rescue in Vanity when they started carrying the Kennedy style pant and recently found out that they not only don’t carry that style anymore, but Vanity doesn’t carry any pant in a size 24 or 0 any longer.  I searched through every store, every Kohl’s, Maurices, Buckle, Target, you name it I went there.  I tried upscale department stores like Dillards and Macy’s and Bloomingdales.  I tried thrift stores like Plato’s Closet and GoodWill.  I scoured websites.  I finally broke down and spent the $120 on a pair of Miss Me jeans.  While they fit, I disliked the uncomfortable decorations on the rear end and the bootcut didn’t seem to fit very well with really any shoe.  As I mentioned before I prefer the flare style, but I caved and bought a second pair when, once again, I couldn’t find literally ANYTHING in my size.

This weekend I decided to break myself down by going shopping for a new pair of jeans.  I was determined to find a pair without the bling in the right fit.  Once again I began searching every store, every website, and every outlet I could possibly find within a 150 mile radius.  I lucked out and purchased a pair of Lucky Brand jeans, size 0 Long, on EBay.  The tag read 0/25 Long and I thought that for sure I could deal with an inch of loosness around the middle.  After all I had plenty of belts.  I waited excitedly for my new jeans to come in the mail.  I got a great deal on them at only $21.50 and began thinking of all the cute outfits I could pair together and how amazing I was for sure my ass would look in them.  As the mail man swooped by I rushed out to retrieve my package and raced into my bathroom to try them on.  To my surpise I swam in them, literally.  I thought for sure there was a mistake so I triple checked the tag, yet it said 25.  I didn’t lose any weight so I could only assume that Lucky, as with every other brand and store I had been to within the last 5 years or so, had extended their sizes in order to better accomodate their quickly enlarging customer base.

See I had done some personal investigating and found out that every jean, really any pant in general, had read one size, yet fit completely different.  I also found out that many stores had completely stopped ordering any flare style jean as well as smaller and longer sizes beacuase the customer base has become so engorged that they just can’t sell the smaller sizes.

So I deduced that, from my investigating, I am being punished by Corporate America for being in good shape.  I, being healthy and trim, have been reduced to either buying and altering every pant I purchase or swimming in any pant I can find.  Corporate America has changed themselves in order to accomodate the rising rate of obesity in America, and yes I say obesity because when an outfit is wider than it is long, specifically in shorts and skirts, it’s obese, or possibly trashy, or both.  So let me just say this out loud.  Lucky Brand, American Eagle, Hollister, Kohl’s, BKE, Aereopostle, YMI, Rock & Republic, and every store that carries any of these brands, you are all part of the problem.  You support the obesity epidemic and lose the customers like myself who just want to fit into a pair of jeans.  I will no longer be shopping at any store that carries any of these brands.  I’ll make my own clothes if I have to, but I REFUSE  to be punished for being a healthy weight.

And on a last note, the next time you want to hate another woman for being skinny or thinner than yourself, think of the struggles she may be having for being an outcast in the larger world.  No one ever asks a woman why she is so fat, however I could never count high enough the number of times I’ve been asked why I’m so skinny, and to top it off, I can’t even buy proper fitting jeans anymore.  It’s interesting how the struggles so quickly balance to the other side with no warning.

I plan to call each company to find out exactly what is happening with each of these companies, and I’ll be sure to update as soon as I can.


I Know This Girl

I know this girl,
The one I never mention.
She speaks with words that swirl,
with unending determination.
I know this girl,
She never goes without a smile.
She walks with every twirl,
And always goes the extra mile.
I know this girl,
Who looks older than she is.
She’ll conquer ever world,
Without the smallest frizz.
I know this girl,
She has a darker side.
She’ll never let you in her world,
And yet never run and hide.
I know this girl,
So complex and strange.
A never-ending mural,
So inflicting and deranged.
I know this girl,
Who I seem to have forgotten.
I miss her rushing whirl,
But time has made her rotten.
I know this girl,
Or maybe not.

The Truth Is…

…I don’t care.  I have finally come to a point in my life and I am happy.  I am getting older physically and mentally.  I am becoming more aware of the life around me.  I am seeing life through unclouded eyes and I understand what is important to me and what I care about.  I am full of curiosity and knowledge about what is my life and where it is going and where it will end.  I know I am getting older; my face shows it every day.  My back slouches a little more and my scowl line in my forehead becomes more distinct.  My eyes get worse and my nails get shorter.  The sun burns more and the wind stings harder.  I see the worlds problems more clearly and I know the answers.  I can fix anything that breaks in front of me and I can break anything in working order.  I am getting older mentally and physically and I see it everyday, but I’m ok with it.  I know that I will die, probably later than sooner.  I will miss the opportunities to tell those around me what I truly think of them.  I will forget the important messages to pass on to others.  I will remember too late the facts that I have created.  I will remember too soon the scrapes and bruises that left scars unable to be erased.  But I am happy.

Life is too miniscule to waste on meaningless facts that, in the end, don’t mean anything.  Life doesn’t matter because all we are doing each day that we wake up is dying.  Every day we die a little more.  Every day we learn to live a little more.  Death is life and without either all we are doing is taking up space.

I am happy because if life doesn’t matter then nothing matters and that’s just one more day to fill with enjoyable and meaningless moments.  If I’m going to die, I’m going to make a mockery of it because, why the hell not?  The truth is that nothing matters, in the end, so let’s make meaningless memories with meaningless laughs and meaningless scars that with remind us of the meaningless lives we will one day leave behind forever.  Nothing matters so let’s make some funny faces and flip the bird in every picture and start some fires under the asses of every uptight fuck that tells you this is important.  Let’s have some fun because the truth is that we are all dying every day that we take another breath.  Fuck the sadness, fuck the memories, and fuck the rules.  Let’s fight the time clock and punch pretty in the face.  Let’s cause havoc and start fires and break rules and stain this world red.  We’re all dying, so let’s start living like it, because the truth is … there are no truths, only what we create, so let’s create happy and fuck everything else!

Pershing Boulevard


Pershing Blvd.

Pershing Blvd.

The most amazing picture I was able to get this summer.  If only every day were this beautiful.  And all from an iPhone 4s camera.  At least Apple is good for something.