There is a void. It’s increasing and expanding and consuming everything in it’s path. It’s demanding. It’s a straight line confused in a world of squiggles. Math is black and white. One plus one is two and there’s no other answer. Science is black and white. Hydrogen and Oxygen is water and nothing else. Grammer and punctuation is exact. A comma goes where it goes and nowhere else. In a world of gray, we’re taught at every educational institute black and white and nothing else. Black and white answers won’t get you very far in a gray world. We’re taught that we need to stay in school, go on to higher education, get a good job and raise our credit score. We’re taught that abstinence is the only way and that right is right and wrong is wrong. But in a world of maybe’s, how can we survive with only yes and no answers?
I followed the rules growing up. I’ve held a job since I was 14. I graduated High School with a 3.2 GPA. I graduated College with an Associate of Arts Degree. I smoked pot a few times, but I never drank, I never partied. I didn’t have unprotected sex. I never got pregnant; I still don’t have kids. I worked my ass off to get what I was told I needed to have. I worked a full time job, lived on my own, and went to college simutaneously to get a degree to better my life. I worked so hard to be where I was taught that I needed to be.
I have a College Degree in Arts and Humanities. I work as a presser in a dry cleaning shop for $11.00 an hour with no benefits. I have searched for other jobs, applied around the United States, to Government agencies, to offices of all shapes and sizes. My record is perfect, my previous history is impeccable, and my references outstanding. No one is knocking down my door for my employment.
My friend is a High School drop out. He smoked pot regularly, drank, and partied. He was promiscuous and has a child from a birth control liar, because those were the type of people he hung out with. He went with and without jobs, everything from food service to manual labor, anything that didn’t drug test. Within the last 3 years he has been offered more jobs than I can count that lead to him receiving his CDL B license. It has gotten to the point that he doesn’t even have to be present to be offered a job. He is offered positions that vary from driving to construction to body modification apprenticeships. He currently works for a Lumber Company as a driver making $14.00 an hour with full benefits.
In a gray world, I chose black and white to get to where I am. Unfortunately I believed the people I was told I could trust. I did what I was told. Because of that I failed and don’t have too many ways to crawling up from the hole I pounded myself into. My friend took the gray way, ignoring everything that the “trustworthy” people told him. He is succeeding.
How can black and white cause so much trouble when it’s all we are ever taught? I did what I was told to do. I did everything right and yet I got the shit end of the stick. My friend didn’t do anything he was supposed to, he did it all “wrong”. He’s on his way to success.
In a gray world, I was a little too black and white and that’s something that will never wash off.