Every decision I make I double check and question myself. I never know if I’m making the right decisions, whether it’s what bills to pay when or if I should really buy those shoes, or even if I want a burger or a chicken sandwhich. It gets to a point where I can’t even decide to eat or drink without having a mental deliberation on if it’s the right thing to do. And even if I think I’m doing the right thing, I always think I should have done the opposite after the fact. Does anyone else ever have these feelings or thoughts or this insanity ruling their lives as it does mine? Is there some group of people who experience the things that I do somewhere in the world? Or am I a lone anomaly to this incessant rambling in my mind? Will I ever know if I’m making the right choice? I’m 22, a month from being 23. I should be able to handle ordering at a restaurant, but I can’t even do that without a mental debate.
Sometimes I feel like I’m from another planet. I didn’t even feel this way when I was 16. I was more stable at 16 than I am at almost 23. Is there something wrong with me? Will I ever go back to being the all-knowing, presistent, self assured ass kicker that I used to be? Or am I destined to a life of self questioning and pent up anger and missed opportunties and actions?
Will I ever be right? Or will this nightmare of life continue until my time finally comes to an end?