Let me begin this post by telling you a bit about myself.
First off…i don’t like talking about myself. And no, it’s not because I’m sensitive or insecure or bashful or any of those cutesy little labels people like to throw out there. I don’t like to talk about myself because it’s none of your damn business. Now that that bit of business is out of the way, let’s move on.
I’m a 22 year old female in a town of ~80,000 people. I’m just another face in the crowd. I went to college, got a degree, and went out into the world with anxious eyes. My mother always told me that I was never a “kid”. I didn’t do things that children were supposed to do. I was an “old soul”, she called it. I’ve held a job since I was 14. I woke up everyday, went to school, went to work, and went to sleep. I never partied, never drank. Sure, I’ve smoked pot. It’s a lot like masturbation. If someone tells you they’ve never done it, they’re full of shit. Or maybe a eunuch. Either way we’re straying from the story.
So this “old soul” thing. I always assumed that it was the reason I didn’t connect with people. I never really kept friends more than a year or so. I got bored with them and they always became needy and clingy. Really it was probably my own selfishness. I only wanted friends around when I didn’t have something else going on. I’ll admit to that. I was much more of a loner than anything else. I had acquaintances. People I could call if I needed something but ignored if I knew that they needed something. I was, and probably still am, a bitch. But I don’t mind that. I sleep just fine knowing who I am.
I used to give people the benefit of the doubt, tried not to judge the book by the cover. I came to the realization that it was a crock of shit when my Multi-Occupations teacher explained that in an Interview first impressions matter the most and that that was the case in almost all aspects of life. So I figured that if people who signed my paychecks could judge, I might as well do the same. Even if you consider yourself an “open minded” individual, you still make mental comments when you see someone for the first time. Just like masturbation, if you say you don’t do it, then you’re full of shit.
I’m married now. I have an amazing husband who I couldn’t live without. We have been together for about 5 years. I’m not actually sure if that’s even right because neither of us can really remember when we started dating. I do know that we got married June 28th, 2013 in an old barn outside of town. I wore a handmade purple dress and he wore suspenders and his favorite ball cap. We now have a beautiful family. Buddy is our wonderful, if not a bit stupid, one-eyed mutt, and Babseycat is our prima donna first born. (I’m not going to tell you that she’s our cat if you can’t figure that out from her name.)
I work a job that has absolutely nothing to do with my degree and everything to do with manipulation. It’s called Commissioned Sales. I drive a Dodge that I named Darla Munster. I rent a duplex from 1911. I cut the majority of my hair off in a fit of anger.
My Mom always told me that I over analyze everything. I’m one of those people who will stop everything to consider all possible outcomes before proceeding to determine if the ends justify the means. I’m also, according to my Mom, a Negative Nancy. I’m pessimistic. I don’t necessarily agree with that one, but who am I to judge myself when so many others are doing that for me.
A simple truth about me: I over emphasize. I over explain. I overreact. I’m just over everything.
I’ve always wanted to be a writer, but if the past has taught me anything, I’m way to sober to ever be published. So for now I will settle on this. Writing into oblivion, always wondering in the back of my mind if anyone is reading.
So here is me. Blue. An overly enthusiastic antagonist with an internet connection and a whole lot to bitch about.
Check out my eBook on Kindle. Sadistically Beautiful, an anthology of short stories and poetry about life.