Monthly Archives: March 2014

The Poor Thing

I’m going to go a little political here for a minute.

I read in the paper the other day that a dog attacked a child causing major damage to her face.  The judge opted to de-fanging, neutering, and caging the dog rather than euthanizing it and leaving it in a shelter until it dies because it won’t be able to ever be adopted out.

I don’t believe that dogs are bad or aggressive unless taught to be that way by their owners.  I’ve owned many dogs, some from puppies and others rescues.  My current dog was from the shelter.  His history was unknown but there were definite signs of abuse.  He never snapped or nipped at me, but he was very skiddish and had scarring from burn marks.

I love my dog to death, but I would never wish his isolation or surgical dismemberment no matter what he did.  Even if he attacked me, I would rather he be put down than stored away until his death like an inmate at a prison.

I also know how children are around animals.  They pick and pull and smother.  It’s not that kids are bad with animals, but they don’t understand how to properly handle an animal, especially a larger dog.  Perhaps in this case the child was a little aggressive with the animal causing it to attack in self-defense.  Maybe the child just spooked it.  No matter the case, animals are not evil, and unless a dog is treated badly, it rarely attacks.  Yet I see case after case just like this one in the news.

No matter what the situation is, an animal should never be locked away to die.  While I have sympathy for the child, I have more sympathy for the dog.  I grew up on an impromptu ranch, and I have had to put many animals down myself.  I would rather have to put an animal down than watch it suffer in a cage.

To the Judge I say shame on you.  You are being more cruel to this animal than if you were to put it down.  And to the family I am sorry for your child, however perhaps you shouldn’t be owning larger animals if you can’t control them or your children while in the same household.

 


Hypocritical Glitterazzi

So many people feel the need to judge others based on farces they have come to believe from other ignorant people who choose to run their mouths without first looking at the lives they have chosen for themselves.  I won’t lie, I have judged and will continue to judge others.  The difference is that I choose not to judge others without first looking at my own choices.

I have never judged another based on their personal intoxicant choices without first looking at my own demons.  I’ve smoked pot.  Let’s be realistic about it.  I would wager that 90% of America has tried marijuana.  It doesn’t make them bad people as long as they don’t let their needs and wants cause destruction to those around them.  If you want to toke after a hard day or to relax or for some medical reason then by all means toke away.  When it begins affecting your children or your home life, then you need to re-evaluate your priorities.

I have been judged based on the fact that I, as well as my husband, have smoked in the past by friends and family.  We recently received a call from a family member asking if we could get some for his father in law.

Let me make something perfectly clear.  Years ago my husband and I both decided that our careers and personal economic growth were more important that getting high, so we quit and never touched it again.  It was a personal choice that we felt was right for us.  we have no qualms with others who continue to smoke pot.

This family members wife harassed us and down graded us for years for smoking and hanging out with others who do.  Even when we quit we were always regarded as lesser people, white trash in her eyes because it was such a horrible thing to do.  She even attacked her husband verbally for his past marijuana use.  It’s a plant bitch!  Get over it!

About 2 years ago it came out that her parents have and continue to smoke marijuana.  They looked at pictures together as her parents would say things like, “I remember when we took that picture together.  We were so high.”  Since this bit of information has escaped, she is now completely comfortable with those who smoke and no longer condemns them.

She never took a look at her own life before judging us as trash.  On top of the whole situation, she made a complete left turn once it was her family.  Basically, in her mind, if it’s her or her parents then it’s ok, but if it’s anyone else then it’s the most despicable thing in the world.

So she felt that it was a good idea to jeopardize our futures for her own selfish needs.

Other than a rant, this post does have a purpose.  People need to realize that looking at the world with blinders on will only create a generation of ignorant people with no empathy for the choices or situations of others.  People judge others based on their own life experiences without looking at the experiences of others.  It’s similar to the Christian woman who chastises the rape victim for have an abortion, but when it’s her daughter the story changes.

People need to open their eyes to the world around them and try to see things from other points of view before opening their mouths.  I’m tires of ignorant people voicing one-sided opinions based on singular views and experiences.  We need to create a world of understanding.  Ignorance breeds ignorance and this family member is a perfect example of that.

Before you open your mouth, try to look at the full spectrum of views that could have led a person to the choice they made.  I don’t drink because my father was an alcoholic, and not a nice one.  I know that I am at risk for alcoholism based on genetics, so I choose not to drink in order to avoid any chance of dependency.  I don’t judge others for choosing to drink.  They didn’t have the same experiences that I did, therefore, their opinion on drinking is much different from mine.  I fully expect people to judge me for drinking Red Bull.  It’s my coffee and I drink one at least once a day.  Perhaps they had a child experience medical problems from drinking energy drinks, so their view on it is much different from mine.  However, because I have not had the experiences they had, I don’t see it the same way.  Those who choose to judge me for it should be understanding of that as I am of those who drink.

I’m not saying that we all need to just accept people as they are.  Pedophiles, murderers, drug addicts (and no, I don’t consider marijuana a drug), should not be accepted when their actions affect those around them in a negative way.  But people need to think before they open their mouths about things that they have no experience with.  They also need to stop being hypocritical of others when they themselves couldn’t pass judgement.  Don’t judge me because I do something and then say it’s ok because now your parents do it.  If it’s not ok for me to do it, then it shouldn’t be ok for your parents to do it.  And that can be translated into any situation.

So, with all due respect, fuck you who choose to judge me.  I have to sleep with my actions, not you.  So keep judging me because it’s you who will be kept up at night thinking about it while I am sleeping like a baby.  And for the record, I’ve never lost any sleep over any of you, so who is really on the loosing end of judgement?


He’s All Mine

I married the love of my life on June 28th, 2013.  That doesn’t sound very long, but we’ve been together for about 5 years now.  He is my world, the light in my skies, and the diamond in my ring shining brighter than the brightest star.  My husband is my best friend and my soulmate. 

I’m not stupid.  My husband is kind, loving, and a real gentleman.  He’s attractive.  No, scratch that.  He’s a Greek God.  He’s chivalrous.  He opens the car door for me, pulls out my chair, and holds my purse when I try on clothes.  He’s boughten tampons and panty liners and girly products.  He holds my hair when I’m sick and rubs my back every night before kissing me goodnight.  I know he’s a catch.  He’s the man that every woman wants.  He’s not embarrassed to talk about my period or when I’m crampy.  He brings me chocolate and Red Bull. 

I see the way other girls stare, they way they whisper, and the way they smile his way.  I know they want him.  They giggle and wave, and they even flirt in front of me.  Go ahead, girls.  They give me dirty looks.  They stare with envious eyes at what I have. 

I never get upset, I smile back and laugh.  I joke with these girls, entertain the wild ideas they create in their minds that they might just steal him away with a hair flip and a pretty smile.  I tell them, “Go on girls, you can have him, but don’t try to give him back,” and I smile and laugh.  My husband smiles and pretends like giving these girls the time of day is something special.

Girls, I know you want what I have.  You see me with this amazing guy, this wonderful, one of a kind man who wants only me.  This man who makes my world spin.  So keep staring, girls.  Keep smiling and giggling, and keep glowing green with envy.  I know I’ve won the lottery with this man, and I’m not sharing.  Spend your energy trying to make him smile, it makes for good stories when we’re on the couch laughing about our days.  So keep trying, girls, but at the end of the day he’s all mine, and that will never change.  I know I’m lucky; I’m the luckiest girl in the world.  So eat your hearts out girls, just try not to choke.


I Won’t Apologize

I’m a Bitch.  And yes, I capitalized it for a reason.  I am.  I know that I am, and probably always will be, a Bitch.  I say things to people, in my concious mind, to make them think about what they believe and how they see the world.  But let’s be honest.  I (more often than not) say things to ruin people’s perception of the world around them strictly because I know that it will, to some extent, ruin their lives.  And the best (or worst, depending on your personal view) part about it is that it works.  It not only works, it works beautifully.  I can destroy a persons entire world view in one question.  I can tear their entire stability of mind in pieces and walk away leaving them questioning everything in their lives.  It’s fun.  I enjoy doing it and I won’t apologize for it.  Although it’s bad, it’s mean, it’s bitchy, I know that it works.  It makes people see things differently.  Ruining their life is a side effect of a much larger outcome. 

To me, it’s beautiful and thrilling when I look into someone’s eyes and see the fabric of their being slowly unravel because of me.  It’s what I live for.  I tear people down without them even realizing that I did it intentionally.  And I live for it.  I won’t apologize for it.  I won’t make excuses for it.  I break people.  I fuck with people.  I leave them in pieces on the floor without ever laying a hand on them.  I’m a Bitch because it works.  I’m a Bitch because it gets results.  I’m Bitch, and I won’t apologize for it.


Why Am I?

“What the hell is wrong with me?  My mom and dad weren’t perfect but still you don’t hear no crying ass bitching from me, like there seems to be on everybody’s CD.”

-Saliva

Nature vs. Nurture.  Was I made this way by my parents or my environment?  Really the question is skewed.  Most of the people who chose to argue either of these points are the religious types, all biblical and Jesus Christ.  The good book says that we are created in His image.  Therefore, would the answer not be neither?  According to that philosophy, aren’t we predestined to be who we turn out to be?  A meaning for everything and it all happening for a reason?  By that logic, no matter how I turn out, I’m in God’s image, so it should be all good, right?  I mean, serial killer, pedophile, mass murderer, rapist, thief, vandal, it’s all in God’s image, so does that make him all of these things?  Or does that fall into the Free Will category that was given to human life by the Devil himself, always whispering in our ear to ask questions and deny what we can’t see?  So, although I’m in God’s image, I have the Devil’s free will to guide myself through this life making choices to create the monster in me.  In God’s Image we don’t have free will, so does that make God the one who has no free will either?  It was His doing to create us in His image, which does not include free will, so therefore he has no free will either.  Who does He answer to?  The Devil gave us free will, temptation, and that beautiful thing called rock n’ roll music.  I guess maybe I’m just over analyzing the system of beliefs that are based on fictional stories in a very large, old book used to persuade the human race into being decent people.  Then again, I know many decent people who wouldn’t spit on that very large, old book if it was on fire.  Most of them haven’t even read a word from that very large, old book and they seem more kind to society then the sweet old couple walking down those church steps on Sunday giving me the evil eye for … whatever it is that Christians seem to dislike about me.  Judge ye not, less ye be judged.  Perhaps that’s a different very large, old book.  I haven’t kept up on my scripture since the church seems to change its mind on their own beliefs every few years or so to stay popular.  Sort of like the cheerleader who, in tenth grade would never touch a mauve skirt because it was out of style, but can’t get enough mauve skirts in eleventh grade because they’re all the rage in Vogue this season.  I like to think of the Catholics in their good ol’ flat, center of the universe world kind of way, before they decided that the sun isn’t revolving around the earth when science could prove otherwise.  But maybe that’s a little pre-technology for everyone else.  To me, it doesn’t matter why we turn out the way we do.  It’s a simple answer.  We turn out the way we do because of how our brains work.  It’s not Sociological, or even Psychological.  It’s Neurological.  We are computers.  Our brains send electrical surges throughout our body to create every response, every thought, every emotion.  It’s a machine.  We turn out the way we do in the same way that a computer converts a program into code.  If there is a glitch, then the outcome won’t be the same.  Some people need more love than others, while some can function fully on their own at very young ages.  Some people need to be taught with pictures while others need step by step directions.  It’s a computer code.  I process people who need constant emotional support as needy, while someone else may seem them as loving and caring.  It’s our computers interpreting the code we have received.  It’s not the code or the machine that’s faulty.  It’s something in between that sets it astray.  A Mac won’t read the same code as a Dell would.  That doesn’t make one more fucked up than the other.  It’s not that Dell grew up in a broken home while Mac had loving parents.  It’s just how their electronic brains work.  Don’t get that analogy confused with the subject of creation and evolution.  Although I think that both sides to that is bullshit, that’s a story for another day.

The point is that I was raised in a fucked up home with one loving parent and one who couldn’t care less.  My husband grew up with one fucked up parent and one dead one.  My best friend grew up in a loving home with two involved parents.  I turned out fine, aside from a slightly obscure sense of humor.  My husband turned out fine, aside from an affinity for fixing things.  We both have decent jobs, make decent money, have wonderful communication skills, and have created a pretty sweet little life for ourselves.  My best friend, on the other hand, offed himself.  Now don’t over think it.  My best friend had a pretty normal life.  His parent were a little strange but over all the kid was pretty well-adjusted.  He was 23 when he killed himself in his roommates closet.  So this, for me anyway, disrupts the nurture theory.

The other side of that, obviously is the nature theory.  It’s pretty easy.  I grew up in the middle of nowhere on an impromptu farm/ranch/whatever my dad wanted it to be that day.  I didn’t turn out to be a rancher or a farmer or a whatever he wanted me to be that day.  My husband grew up in a trailer park.  Not like tintown or anything, but still a trailer park.  We don’t live in a trailer, nor have we ever.  He sure as hell didn’t turn out trailer trash.  So this, again for me anyway, disproves the nature theory.

Simply put, I think nature and nurture is a bunch of bullshit.  It doesn’t take a village to raise a child.  It takes a functioning set of gears in the child’s head.  If the code won’t process, maybe the kid is just a Dell trying to read Mac.


Out of Control

I watch the smoke blow up my skirt from the boys spittin’ game in the bleachers, reachers, movers, and concievers, racin’ around like they don’t even see her.

Makin’ fakes, raise the stakes cuz I’m ready to move up, breakin’ ceilings made of glass takin’ names, kickin’ ass, gonna rock this city like I ain’t white trash.

Won’t forget where I came from, in the gutter fallin’ under, now I’m up and I’m ready to plunder, I’m the one and the only and there ain’t no other, ain’t your maid, ain’t your bitch, and I ain’t your mother.

I’m the one that you beg and you plead for, I’m a lady with class not the whore that you pay for, got a mouth like a trucker and a fist like a cannon, so fuck with me and I’ll send you packin’.

One step at a time and I’ll reach the top, and when I do then the bottles gonna pop, and when I fall, cuz you know that I will, I’m gonna get back up, make the world stand still.


Blood Money

Emotions running high,

Everybody on edge,

It’s time to die,

Jump from the ledge.

 

The old is rotten,

The new is too pure.

The kings are forgotten,

The future’s unsure.

 

Anxiety rages,

And tempers, they flare.

A fight for the ages,

Tense is the air.

 

Forgotten are souls,

Remembered is money,

The burning coals,

Are covered in honey.

 

We’re playing a game,

That we’ll never win.

We’re all the same,

It’s blood in the end.